The absolute trash called ‘Ae Dil Hai Mushkil’!

*Firstly, major spoiler alert*

Read only if-

1. You have watched this crap and hate it
2. You have no intentions of watching this crap
3. You want to watch it, yet haven’t somehow watched it. You will kiss me for saving your time and energy and mental state from this movie.

So, I knew this movie is bad. But I had one of those days where you want to watch a bad movie just to see how bad it can be. And it took me a day to come out and flush the toxins this movie gave me.

This movie is a piece of shit. In absolute honesty. It takes a special kind of talent to create garbage out of the brilliant Ranbir Kapoor and Anushka Sharma (both are unbearable in the movie), and something that couldn’t even be saved by the sheer beauty of Aishwarya Rai and Fawad Khan. Relax nationalists, admit it that he looks better than 90% of the population.

The movie revolves around the life and love and friendship of Ayan Sanger (Sanger? Really?), who apparently is a private-jet-using, ultra-rich-father’s only child, and Alizeh something (you will never name any girl Alizeh after watching this shit), who does nothing except idolize Bollywood and live like a hippie. No idea on how she gets the money to do all that drama.

So, here is the trash story. Ayan meets Alizeh in a nightclub in London. They flirt in a manner way worse than how my friends try to pick girls in a bar. But, fuck, they are Ranbir and Anushka in a Karan Johar movie. So, move on. They make out in a disastrous way and Alizeh mocks him. Hence, they just hang out instead. They go bar hopping and end up pouring out their personal lives to each other. Sweet! And they decide to double date with their respective girlfriend and boyfriend the very next day.

As expected, Ayan’s girlfriend is hot, stupid and a complete gold-digger. And Alizeh’s guy, well, is just a guy. There is drama that night, nothing that is relevant though. But, surprisingly, they go out on a double date later again. And here, Alizeh’s guy is making out with Ayan’s bimbo, keeping the door open.

Brilliant!

Now, Ayan breaks down on her ‘cheating’. Even when he was doing the same with Alizeh a couple of nights back.

Anyways, Alizeh explains to Ayan how his heart is not ‘broken’ and how he never really loved that bimbo. And, to recuperate from their individual breakups, they take a trip to Paris. (Pause. To let that stupidity sink in.) And I don’t even want to comment on the ridiculous things they do there for “fun”. I will let that pass because there are different shades of weirdness in people. She discourages his singing because it doesn’t possess any “dard” and heart-break (God, wasn’t Rockstar enough for this shit?).

For a guy, Ayan’s ego could interest any neuroscientist. Part one, because he is seemingly okay with this chick who ridiculed his kissing skills, and also, discouraged his singing, the only thing this butthead was good at. Part two, I’ll highlight later.

Back to their “fun”. In an intimate moment, Ayan hits on Alizeh, who rejects his advances. Friendship is too sacred to lose for love. This, from a director who basically created the crap that love is friendship. Anyways, moving on, they hit a pub for a zillionth time again. And Alizeh sees Ali (A lil creative with names please), the very guy who broke her heart.

Interesting thing. She walks all the way to reach across his face and then storms out of the bar and city because she doesn’t want to ‘see’ him. Way to go!

But, Ali woos her back and she stays in Paris, leaving Ayan.

Now, Ayan is miserable. A couple of weeks later, Alizeh calls Ayan inviting him for her wedding, pushing his misery to ultimate high. But, he flies to Lucknow, dances and ‘sings’. Now, Alizeh can somehow see and sense the pain in his singing.

Anyways, he confesses it and Alizeh, yet again, rejects it. He storms out of the wedding and lands next to a beautiful Urdu poetess in the plane, Sabaa. Whatever happened to the private jet? He cries and cries throughout the whole journey and this Shayara leaves her number for him. Guys, next time you find a beautiful girl in the plane, cry and pour your sad story instead of a tacky pick-up line, because apparently that works.

Now, Ayan calls Sabaa and they both seem to be an extra bit horny for a first date. Here, the movie takes a downward plunge. The story lacks sense everywhere, but now, the dialogues go all hay-wire like Javed Akhtar, Piyush Mishra, Prasoon Joshi and Gulzar are conversing, of course, without a point. Every word in normal Hindi is thesaurus-ed to Urdu, just for the heck of it.

But, Ayan is still into Alizeh. Meanwhile, Alizeh is in the same city and so, Ayan invites her to his hot girlfriend’s home. And as predicted, it gets awkward for all. Ayan can’t get over Alizeh. Alizeh rejects Ayan again. And Sabaa dumps Ayan because he isn’t over Alizeh. And these words do not suffice for the drama that was shown.

Anyways. Time Leap. 2 years later.

Ayan is a big internet sensation now. After a show, he spots Ali. With a rough start, Ali informs him that Alizeh left him two years ago. Now, Ayan is still hell-bent over her and waits for her in her ‘spot’ for days. Yeah, she comes there. And before Ayan could turn on the charm, she informs him that she has cancer, last stage. And this man-child cries like a baby, yet again!

They resume their “fun” after. And as expected, Ayan again proposes his love and Alizeh, yet again, rejects it. The part two of his weird ego is derived from this incessant cling to her, crossing the boundaries of normal and trespassing insanity. Like how many times should she say no, to understand no!

Now, she leaves the city to escape him. But, fakes a heart attack and gets out of the plane, because he fulfilled her Bollywood dream of being chased to the airport. (Pause. Think whatever you want to.)

But..

They agree to remain friends for whatever time is left for her. And this shitty movie ends here.

Take an aspirin if you want now.

This movie is the very definition of kick-you-in-the-crotch, spit-on-your-neck absurd. It is about two abnormal people. In one’s inability to just let go. And in another’s ability to redefine the pinnacles of friend-zone. And one insane mind, who can’t stop making crappy movies about first love.

Do yourselves a favor, do not watch it. Just D-O-N’-T!